It really was the hormones. I went to the doctor, and had my annual check-up. I told her I have been a bitch-on-wheels for at least 2 solid months, my period was almost a month late (but I'm not pregnant) , and I just can't take it anymore. She gave me estrogen patches and progesterone pills. 21 days after starting, I felt peace. I'm my old self again. I feel like I've been away and I'm finally home. It feels good to feel good!
I know it must have been startling at minimum to read that I was living a "Hallmark Movie life", then to read that I was feeling I was in cement box. I write from my soul, honestly, about what is happening, what I'm thinking or experiencing. This was all a part of it.
I would get furious when my husband would say it was hormones. But part of me believed him, listening to him, tucked it away as a mental note. My sister-in-law had gone through something similar, and her marriage ended over it. I never forgot that.
I can't even fully convey how different, and "off" was feeling, and how different I feel now. I feel like I was away, and now I'm back! I have the life I've dreamed of. I really do. I'm not sugar-coating it. It's REAL. Friday I turn 50 years old. I guess it's that time of my life.