November 21, 2017

Green-Eyed


Jealousy.  It's that green-eyed monster that we've been warned about from day one.  Every time I have felt jealous in life, I’ve learned something about myself.  It awakens a desire within me that I didn’t know was there, OR makes me realize that that desire was much more important to me than I had acknowledged.   It could be an experience, a talent, something to acquire, a change I want to make in my life, to be something MORE. 


If we look at the glass as half-full, being jealous can create a dream.   That dream can be made into a goal.  We may never have considered doing something, or attaining something, like the person we are jealous of, but now that it's on our radar, we can strive for it, if that is what we want. 

Ask yourself why you are jealous.  Ask yourself to look within to see what it is that you want for yourself.  Then nurture this desire within you into a goal, and work towards it.   Once you reach the goal, you'll feel accomplished and proud. 

I know it is easier said than done.  I’ve been through a lot of heartache in life with my own jealousies.  It took me a long time to realize what those jealousies really meant.  My biggest jealousies were when I saw a happy couple, or a family.  Often times, I felt like I was looking in from the outside, and I was alone, and out in the cold.  

If anything, looking in from the outside helped me realize what I truly wanted, and now I have it.  I KNEW that what I wanted was to be the one on the INSIDE, and have a family and love of my own. 

If somehow we can look at jealousy as a gift, a signal from within ourselves that’s letting us know of something we may want, we will be far ahead in life, and be able to start creating the life of our dreams earlier than others ever do.


November 10, 2017

Living a Hallmark Movie

For the longest time, I wanted to start a new blog, just so I can say all the things that are on my mind.  A lot of the things are plans that H (my husband) and I have.  But sometimes it's just a point of view I want to share.  So, here I am, coming back to my blog, to keep the history of it all and show everyone just how much ones life can change in an instant.  If you've read the older posts, either recently or in the past, you'll see that just by my mentioning my husband, things have changed a LOT.   I won't leave you in the dark for long.  There will be many future posts that tell exactly how my life changed so much.   And what an adventure it was!   But first, an opinion on love, life, and decisions.

Recently, I was supportive of a friend and "liked" her new blog. It turns out it was about her poly-amorous life. I had NO CLUE this was her life. It was a secret. I've heard of people living poly lives, but never understood it, and I didn't know a lot about it.   It turns out there is a lot more to it than just opening the marriage to other partners. I've only known one couple who felt the need to open their marriage.  Now I've been reading this blog.  I keep telling H about it and he asks "Why are you reading that?" I think it makes him nervous, like I have a fascination for that lifestyle. But it shouldn't worry him. Sadly, in my personal opinion, it's like watching a train wreck in slow motion.  I hope that is not the case, but I simply cannot understand how one can decide to marry, only to decide that you can't give them everything they need, or they can't give you everything you need. Maybe they married young and grew and changed?  Maybe they settled, although I doubt it.  Maybe they didn't know who they were to begin with.  It's no ones fault.   It just is.  But as I read the words this woman posts almost every day, it's riddled with heartache and angst, I don't know if she can even see it.  Sometimes she's in the glow of new love.  Other times, she seems sad and lost.  Is poly REALLY that mainstream?  Maybe I'm too naive, but then again to each their own.  

My marriage to H is 100% of what I've always dreamed of. He is the man of my dreams, and satisfies every single part of my being. He feeds my mind, my soul, my desire for family and home. We talk all the time, discussing many many subjects. We spoon all night long, every single night. We take care of each other, we love each other, we do things for each other. We laugh all the time. We have FUN.  The kids love being here.  It's a very happy home.  There isn't any yelling, fighting, chaos, or unhappiness of any kind.  The only thing lacking is living our professional dreams, which we are working on and planning, and have true timelines in place to bring our dreams to fruition.  We are completely supportive of each other. We are two puzzle pieces, two peas in a pod, a team, a family.  I have zero doubt that this is for life.

For instance, Sunday morning, I came downstairs to our happy pup greeting me, classical music playing, cinnamon in the air from H baking cinnamon streusel muffins for breakfast, the house nice and toasty from the first night of the furnace being on. It just makes my heart swell with such gratitude. Maybe we are still in honeymoon phase? I don't think so, though. Since day one of this relationship, it has gotten stronger, deeper, more potent each and every day. We're living a Hallmark Movie. That may be too saccharin, and a silly thought to some, but we are.#sorrynotsorry

I can't imagine H or I asking the other if we can see other people because we need "more".  More WHAT? What more could there possibly be than what we already have??  We have everything that we could want or need.  We will never take it for granted, and we will never forget what we have.   It's far too precious.






November 8, 2017

Hello Again

I'm back.   Again.   Let's start over, shall we?  Hi, I'm Sunny.  That's what I'm going by now, for this blog, to keep my anonymity.   I doubt anyone will fault me for that.  

My background, in case you don't remember:  This blog started a few years ago when my life was very different.  Like so many others, I got caught in the economic downturn of 2008, and was struggling to survive.  While I was out of work, I discovered the law of attraction and the power of positive thinking.  I became determined to change my life for the better.  I fully believed in my dreams, and brought them to fruition.   That's what this blog was (is) about: my struggles and triumphs, my points of view, how I connect the dots in life.  

My life got back on track: I got a job, I got an apartment.  Things were in full swing.  Then time became an issue, so I stopped writing.  During my time away, and like a kaleidoscope, my life changed dramatically yet again. (More dreams have come to fruition!)   Several people (dare I say fans?) have asked that I start writing again, so here I am: continuing my story on this little blog called Spinning in the Teacups.   Welcome (or welcome back)!   I hope you enjoy it. :)

June 5, 2014

Running Through The Poppies

 



Similar to how Dorothy ran through the poppies toward Emerald City, I was running through life the past several years trying to find my dream job.  And just as the Wizard had all the answers and solutions that she'd never have expected, the Universe had unexpected answers for me too.

No matter what you think you want, the Universe always knows better.   If there is even a twinge of a doubt inside, the Universe knows and holds back.   I know this now more than ever because after the longest search, I finally found my perfect job.

When I started this blog, I was unemployed and searching for work.  Eventually I had to leave my Nob Hill and move in with a friend.   Finally I found a low-paying temp job, which turned into a permanent job and I was able to save for a deposit and search for roommates in order to be somewhat on my own again.

That low-paying job led to another low-paying job, which I thought would be better, but was not.   I was promised a lot of what turned out to be empty promises.   I stayed for almost 2 years because I needed some stability on my resume.   Then one day, I heard about my current job, applied, and was hired within a week.  

At the time I started to seriously look, I knew without a doubt that I needed to leave.  Things had become very chaotic and unstable at my job and I honestly did not think the company would have enough money to pay me for much longer.  And it happened incredibly fast.  So fast, that I only gave one week's notice.  

My new job is everything that was on my wishlist and more.   I work with a great group of people and it's an easy commute.  I have amazing benefits and we're closed the week between Christmas and New Year's with pay, so I automatically have a Christmas vacation every year.   My salary is much better than before.  And I'm able to start saving for retirement again, and enough so, that I will be safe and sound when the time comes, even though I'm starting from scratch.   They even cover my tuition so I can finally get my degree.   It really could not be a better fit for me.  

Whenever I had been on the job hunt before, I searched for a very specific type of position.  I thought I knew what I wanted.   I thought I knew the career path I was trying to carve out for myself.   This new position is not what I had been searching for in a title or in job duties, but it is so much better!   That's what I mean when I say that the Universe knows better.  I am so relieved I didn't actually get one of the other jobs I had been pursuing.  This position was worth the wait. 




May 29, 2014

The In-Between



A village street somewhere in France.

Lately I've been feeling like I'm cheating on my dreams with other dreams.  I have had a plan of retiring to France for years.  Then I went home to Iowa for a quick weekend and now I'm dreaming of retiring there instead

I had no interest in ever living in the Midwest ever again.   I moved to San Francisco many years ago and recently went back for a visit for the first time since I'd left.  I couldn't get over how much my little hometown had changed or how the larger town nearby had changed.   The larger town is no longer dirty with old vacant factories.  Now there are gleaming lofts in their place.  There are trees in place of dirt.  There are beautifully paved roads instead of potholes.  There are new and improved venues for concerts, theater, and baseball.

I feel that half of the changes I see are the actual improvements.   The other half just might be my outlook on the world after living in San Francisco.  I now can truly appreciate clean, quiet streets, or the ease of having a car and being able to just get in an go and find parking when you get there.

I'm enjoying San Francisco, but don't want to live here for the rest of my life.  At some point I want to have a house, a yard, a garden, a greenhouse.   I want to have an art studio in my home where an easel lives so I can paint whenever I like.  I want to spend my retirement gardening both vegetables and flowers, create a beautiful landscape with pea gravel pathways, raised beds, archways with climbing David Austen roses and maybe a hammock with some cushy pillows that beg to be napped upon.   I want a French country kitchen of whites and creams with quartz countertops where I can create amazing vegan dishes.  I want fall leaves and apple season, Christmas lights on the house and drifts of snow for them to glow in, country firework stands and to play with sparklers on Independence night among the fireflies.  I want to sit on my front steps with the sun setting, hear the breeze in the trees and that late-summer sound of eeeee-ooooo, eeeee-ooooo, eeeee-ooooo of the cicada or locust, not sure which it is, that trails off into the distance.   For the record, I only like to hear them, I don't want to see them.  

I have a very fortunate opportunity, thanks to my late mother, to be offered the chance to buy the property where I grew up.  All of my new dreams of going home again can happen.   I can buy the property where I grew up and create my dream home, a place with a French Country flair.




The lake in front of my childhood home.


When I first started this post, I was torn between my dreams.  I ended it with "Who knows, maybe there will be a Door Number 3 that will come into play".  And then last night, the answer popped into my head so easily.  There is the original dream of retiring to France, and the new dream of going home.   This doesn't have to be an either/or scenario.   The new idea is to move to France sometime in between San Francisco and Iowa.   I'll be ready for a change in about 10-15 years.  Retirement isn't for 20ish years.  I can enjoy France for awhile before I'm ready to settle back home again.